My Press today

News Thump

‘I would trade all $1,000,000,000,000 for just one real friend’ confirms Elon Musk

Yesterday at 8:36 am

David Olusoga still not sure who the final traitor is

November 7, 2025 at 9:11 pm

Elon Musk aiming to become first trillionaire cult leader

November 7, 2025 at 2:52 pm

‘Patriot’ bursts blood vessel in eye after learning train hero has foreign-sounding name

November 4, 2025 at 12:38 pm

Man begins weekly task of replacing old uneaten bananas with fresh ones from the supermarket

November 4, 2025 at 10:39 am

Young people on £10 an hour are ‘overpaid’, insists man paid £3,000 an hour by GB News

November 4, 2025 at 9:54 am

Right-wing populist grifter left despondent after learning Huntingdon train attack ‘not terrorism’ and committed by British national

November 3, 2025 at 12:08 pm

Defiant Andrew Mountbatten Windsor dons homemade Admiral outfit

November 3, 2025 at 11:22 am

Annual poppy-rage tournament well underway

November 3, 2025 at 8:52 am

Boy who spent Halloween being rewarded for threatening behaviour now has ‘taste for it’

November 1, 2025 at 9:22 am

Nigel Farage to grow toothbrush moustache for Movember

November 1, 2025 at 8:36 am

This year’s ‘demanding money with menaces’ amnesty underway

October 31, 2025 at 12:36 pm

Remembrance Wa-hey! PornHub introduces new Remembrance Day Channel for November

October 31, 2025 at 11:22 am

US Congress apologise for starting Andrew letter with ‘Dear Nonce’

November 7, 2025 at 10:22 am

Wandsworth Prison to trial brand new security system of remembering to shut the door

November 6, 2025 at 11:21 am

Gunpowder plotte was ye false flagge, sayeth 17th century conspiracy theorists

November 6, 2025 at 10:52 am

Keir Starmer demands to see trick or treater’s digital IDs

October 31, 2025 at 10:09 am

‘Oooh, we forgot about that one!’ – Rachel Reeves unveils emergency ‘Trick or Treat’ tax for children

October 31, 2025 at 8:26 am

Rachel Reeves to introduce new 70% Corporation Tax rate for all Lettings Agencies

October 30, 2025 at 8:21 pm

Man paid £500 to leave Britain arrives back in Britain after paying £500 for a small boat

October 30, 2025 at 3:37 pm

Donald Trump hoping to really nail down that Nobel Peace Prize with the resumption of nuclear weapon testing

October 30, 2025 at 2:08 pm

Elon Musk surprisingly supportive of man who was jailed trying to get into the United states with false passport

October 30, 2025 at 1:36 pm

“MPs must take action to protect women and girls” insists man leading party where 25% of MPs had a conviction for beating women

October 30, 2025 at 12:52 pm

Future Gaza peace plans to be placed directly into the shredder

October 29, 2025 at 12:08 pm

“I’ll still get my Peace Prize, right?” Trump asks Nobel committee as his Gaza ceasefire collapses

October 29, 2025 at 10:36 am

Car clock now showing the correct time for next six months

October 28, 2025 at 4:54 pm

Prison Break reboot to see Lincoln Burrows walk out the front door after becoming a convicted sex offender

November 6, 2025 at 10:21 am

Allowing inmates to dress up as one another for Halloween “possibly a mistake” admits prison governor

November 6, 2025 at 7:25 am

Man’s joy at hat-trick of farts not shared by wife

November 5, 2025 at 12:42 pm

‘It drives us mad when TV screens are full of Reform MPs when they’re less than 1% of the Parliamentary population’ confirms public

October 28, 2025 at 10:10 am

Weary nation loses half a million man-hours trying to change the time on the nation’s ovens

October 27, 2025 at 10:37 am

Man who clearly forgot to change his clocks pretending he intended to get to work early

October 27, 2025 at 9:09 am

“They’ve put black people in the adverts again Maureen!” cries racist

October 27, 2025 at 8:36 am

Prince Andrew and Fergie to rehabilitate their public image as new hosts of Strictly Come Dancing

October 25, 2025 at 8:06 am

Keir Starmer claims Digital ID will make you two inches taller and ten pounds lighter

October 25, 2025 at 7:50 am

Tory Party announce plans to deport everyone

October 24, 2025 at 8:57 am

Trump to build second ballroom by demolishing FBI office where Epstein Files are held

October 24, 2025 at 7:55 am

‘One in, one out’ deal goes round in circles as same migrant returns for 42nd time

October 24, 2025 at 7:10 am

Hacking group takes credit for post on Mike Graham’s Facebook account

October 23, 2025 at 11:38 am