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The Daily Mash
Is your trip to Nando’s officially cheeky? A checklist
January 24, 2025 at 6:11 pm
We ask you: what precious item did you lose to the winds of storm Eowyn yesterday?
January 24, 2025 at 6:11 pm
Princess Anne: ‘I have no memory of 1978 to 2022’
January 24, 2025 at 6:11 pm
Yes, I saved him specifically to renounce birthright citizenship, confirms God
January 21, 2025 at 10:10 am
How I will face the challenges of the next four years, by Donald Trump’s bowels
January 21, 2025 at 9:08 am
Six executive orders Trump will sign tomorrow, in order of escalating lunacy
January 20, 2025 at 1:13 pm
How I survived without TikTok for a whole evening: A lesson for Americans by Ryan Whittaker, aged 22
January 20, 2025 at 12:09 pm
How to pretend Trump’s brilliant like the tech billionaires do
January 20, 2025 at 11:10 am
Woman finds even better soulmate
January 20, 2025 at 10:13 am
Man weirdly passionate about dog keeping its balls
January 20, 2025 at 9:09 am
‘I Am The Toast You Dropped Butter-Side Down’: Six country songs for British audiences
January 17, 2025 at 5:11 pm
We ask you: Are you observing a Dry January in Wetherspoon’s?
January 17, 2025 at 4:58 pm
New Bob Dylan film depicts him with keytar
January 17, 2025 at 3:09 pm
Trump to find out who assassinated JFK so he can pardon them
January 24, 2025 at 5:11 pm
Which, if any, Oscar-nominated film should I actually bother watching?
January 24, 2025 at 1:11 pm
Man’s happy place is Screwfix
January 24, 2025 at 12:10 pm
Bid to ban marriage between cousins is ‘war on countryside’
January 17, 2025 at 1:09 pm
Which university to attend if you’re posh but too thick for Oxbridge: A guide for the wealthy
January 17, 2025 at 11:54 am
Friends who always cancel don’t like you
January 17, 2025 at 10:14 am
The age verification form you’ll have to fill in for porn: A preview
January 17, 2025 at 9:10 am
Brexit could have been brilliant if only the Tories had been in charge, says Badenoch
January 16, 2025 at 6:08 pm
Embarrassing mix-up as Starmer visits wrong war
January 16, 2025 at 5:10 pm
What to do if you give even the slightest shit about Molly-Mae’s love life: An emergency guide
January 16, 2025 at 12:10 pm
Plucky Israel sues for peace
January 16, 2025 at 11:12 am
E-bikes not as irritating as normal cyclists even though they might kill you
January 16, 2025 at 10:13 am
Sadly I have realised Gary Lineker was Batman to my Joker. By gammon Roy Hobbs
January 16, 2025 at 9:11 am
Storm hits areas of Britain still into God
January 24, 2025 at 10:23 am
Women allowed to take cocaine if it ruins their life and they beg for forgiveness, says Daily Mail
January 24, 2025 at 9:08 am
ChatGPT down after it is asked to explain love
January 23, 2025 at 4:59 pm
£100 pineapple pizza to be bought by twat influencer
January 15, 2025 at 6:11 pm
Groundbreaking Match of the Day team includes two nepo babies
January 15, 2025 at 5:13 pm
Boris Johnson’s semi-aquatic beaver sex harem shut down by Labour
January 15, 2025 at 12:58 pm
Are you becoming a distraction who must resign from your job? Take our quiz
January 15, 2025 at 12:12 pm
Of course, Kate is great at remission
January 15, 2025 at 11:18 am
Six shite albums you paid £10.99 for because of one decent song
January 15, 2025 at 10:00 am
Patsy Palmer, and other Brits who live in LA for no discernible reason
January 15, 2025 at 9:10 am
Right-wing Italian falcon handler who posted photos of penile implant headhunted by BBC
January 14, 2025 at 6:10 pm
Resigning because your aunt is an ousted dictator is at least different
January 14, 2025 at 5:10 pm
Love Island contestants horrified by entrant with unbleached anus
January 14, 2025 at 1:11 pm
Giant iceberg hoping to become British
January 23, 2025 at 4:11 pm
Your parents: They can’t still be shagging at their age, surely? A quiz
January 23, 2025 at 12:24 pm
I am Prince Harry’s privacy and I am outraged at this settlement
January 23, 2025 at 11:38 am
A copy of the Metro, and other presents for people with January birthdays
January 14, 2025 at 12:09 pm
‘Trump would have been convicted if you’d pulled your f**king fingers out’
January 14, 2025 at 11:11 am
Woman guessing her way through tax return definitely going to prison
January 14, 2025 at 10:09 am
Keir Starmer’s completely hypothetical guide to sacking someone called, say, Rachel
January 14, 2025 at 9:09 am
Meghan’s show too good for the world at this specific time
January 13, 2025 at 4:13 pm
Six minor twatteries of modern Britain Starmer could ban to win the public round
January 13, 2025 at 12:09 pm
Britain to be first nation to convert all its citizens to human batteries for AI
January 13, 2025 at 11:09 am
What not to do on a date, as demonstrated by First Dates
January 13, 2025 at 10:12 am
Mantra of the Cosmos, and other supergroups formed to destroy their members’ legacies
January 13, 2025 at 9:11 am
How not to feel ridiculous while being spanked
January 10, 2025 at 6:25 pm
Teenager imposes £50 call-out fee to talk to parents
January 23, 2025 at 10:10 am
Seven completely innocent gestures that can easily look like a Nazi salute
January 23, 2025 at 9:08 am
‘I wouldn’t have set fire to a Holiday Inn if I’d been kept abreast of the relevant facts’
January 23, 2025 at 8:41 am
We ask you: which FA Cup giant-killers will we condescendingly congratulate for winning a football match today?
January 10, 2025 at 6:25 pm
Hollywood’s so-called hard men run away shrieking from fire
January 10, 2025 at 5:09 pm
Fairly bright 11-year-old tipped to be next chancellor
January 10, 2025 at 1:10 pm
Five ways to drive yourself up the f**king wall looking up a song
January 10, 2025 at 11:24 am
‘Your vegetable likeness infringed on my client’s trademarks’: The next six legal letters sent by Liz Truss
January 10, 2025 at 10:41 am
My lesson in ‘gammonomics’ for Rachel Reeves. By Roy Hobbs
January 10, 2025 at 9:10 am
“My apologies. Truss did not crash the economy, she f**ked it”
January 9, 2025 at 4:14 pm
A mouldy cupboard or a house where you can’t use the kitchen: The six types of spare room listing
January 9, 2025 at 1:13 pm
Are you in love or do you just like the same TV shows? A quiz
January 9, 2025 at 12:18 pm
Snow magical until you have to be out in it
January 9, 2025 at 11:13 am
Vape shops selling illegal kazoos
January 22, 2025 at 4:09 pm
When will cowardly Starmer follow Trump’s example and pardon our selfless drug dealers?
January 22, 2025 at 1:09 pm
Deluded man swears you used to be able to buy things with a fiver
January 22, 2025 at 12:10 pm
Air-kissing, and other things that might not be sexual harassment but are f**king annoying
January 9, 2025 at 10:10 am
Brat vs Dark Side of the Moon: The dad’s guide to totally unfair album comparisons
January 9, 2025 at 9:11 am
Tories being really racist but nobody noticing
January 8, 2025 at 4:25 pm
No more fact-checking, promises horse-f**ker Mark Zuckerberg
January 8, 2025 at 1:11 pm
‘Start, you absolute twat’ car warning issued across the UK
January 8, 2025 at 12:09 pm
Search on for bastard who gave Trump a map
January 8, 2025 at 11:13 am
Organised crime reveals it is behind new food trends
January 8, 2025 at 10:14 am
Andrew Tate bullied for playing with dolls: attention-seeking knobs and the traumas that made them that way
January 8, 2025 at 9:09 am
‘It’s not green,’ reports Trump Jr
January 7, 2025 at 4:11 pm
King Charles becoming a horse, and nine other news alerts from Apple’s AI
January 7, 2025 at 1:11 pm
Richard Gere, and other celebs airbrushing their age-gap relationships
January 22, 2025 at 10:09 am
Man moves back home to be near aging parents and people he’s more successful than
January 22, 2025 at 9:12 am
Michelle Obama did not attend inauguration because she hates the prick
January 21, 2025 at 4:15 pm
Barista spells your name wrong deliberately because you’re a twat
January 7, 2025 at 11:58 am
Three days snowed in at the pub: what it’s actually like and why you’d hate it
January 7, 2025 at 10:59 am
This one awful weight loss trick involves eating well and working out
January 7, 2025 at 10:14 am
How to really, really enjoy it when it all goes to shit for Elon Musk
January 7, 2025 at 9:11 am
‘I will carry on saying I am prime minister of Canada and nobody will know’
January 6, 2025 at 6:11 pm
Six ways to make your friends’ resolutions all about you
January 6, 2025 at 12:59 pm
Boss suddenly cool with working from home
January 6, 2025 at 12:17 pm
Farage doesn’t have what it takes to lead The Nigel Farage Party In Association With Nigel Farage Starring Nigel Farage, claims foreigner
January 6, 2025 at 11:11 am
Woman wakes up to realisation she hates every item of clothing she owns
January 6, 2025 at 10:17 am
How to keep the passive-aggression alive in your marriage
January 6, 2025 at 9:00 am
How to write a triumphant column about Trump that will make you look a dickhead in four years or less
January 21, 2025 at 1:11 pm
He says he doesn’t date women over 30, you shout ‘House!’: the rules of Bumble Guy Bingo
January 21, 2025 at 12:09 pm
January 6th rioters ask if they can have another riot
January 21, 2025 at 11:12 am
We ask you: Are you free for a drink with Nick Clegg as he’s not got many friends?
January 3, 2025 at 11:40 pm
Man whose girlfriend unexpectedly wants sex regretting morning wank
January 3, 2025 at 11:26 pm
Twats furiously planning dangerous cold weather activities
January 3, 2025 at 5:10 pm
Modern couples having less sex, says person who makes these things up
January 3, 2025 at 1:28 pm
Five reasons nobody except knobheads make telephone calls anymore
January 3, 2025 at 11:23 am
Estate agents still not vile enough to put Britain off buying houses
January 3, 2025 at 10:11 am
