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News Thump
Vladimir Putin wins Oscar for Best Director of a Foreign Country
Today at 9:07 am
Darren Grimes cancelled by ‘woke’ GB News “because I’m a 31-year-old white man”
Yesterday at 9:10 am
Vladimir Putin hospitalised following dangerously prolonged laughing fit
February 28, 2025 at 10:38 pm
Tesla shares plunge as Elon Musk learns that people don’t like to buy cars from far-right supporting pricks
February 26, 2025 at 9:26 am
Sir Jim Radcliffe to cut Manchester United first team squad down to Bruno Fernandes and four others
February 25, 2025 at 4:24 pm
Man celebrates winning argument against his wife with victorious night on the sofa
February 25, 2025 at 1:52 pm
McDonald’s to slash energy costs by only heating hot apple pies to 5000° Celsius
February 25, 2025 at 1:52 pm
Mike Amesbury spotted working in prison laundry to top up his £91k salary
February 25, 2025 at 10:38 am
Mike Amesbury told he could have joined Reform if his conviction was for hitting a woman instead
February 24, 2025 at 2:42 pm
Cookie Monster to audit National Cookie Reserve at Fort Knox
February 24, 2025 at 1:08 pm
Government to boost defence spending with £60m bid for Virgil van Dijk
February 24, 2025 at 11:43 am
Five Guys burger chain on the verge of becoming entirely arsehole-free
February 22, 2025 at 9:46 am
Government to follow end of Apple’s advanced data encryption with move to ban ‘indecipherable’ Geordie accent
February 21, 2025 at 3:53 pm
‘Take my friend Vladimir’s name out of your f***ing mouth’ screams Trump as he slaps Zelensky
February 28, 2025 at 8:24 pm
Keir Starmer seen awkwardly crawling between arguing Trump and Zelensky after leaving phone on Oval Office table
February 28, 2025 at 7:37 pm
Elon Musk surprisingly supportive of Muslim man who bragged about grooming young women for sexual exploitation
February 28, 2025 at 10:53 am
Government introducing new legislation to force you to cc them on all emails
February 21, 2025 at 3:38 pm
Rachel Reeves pledges third WH Smith’s at Heathrow
February 21, 2025 at 11:53 am
Winston Churchill was a ‘despised dictator’ for cancelling wartime elections, insists Elon Musk
February 21, 2025 at 8:52 am
Woman buys chair that no-one will ever be allowed sit on
February 20, 2025 at 2:31 pm
Donald Trump to ban apples in the US after Putin tells him swallowing the pips can make trees grow out of your bum
February 20, 2025 at 1:39 pm
Hannibal Lector confirmed as US secretary for Not Eating People
February 20, 2025 at 11:11 am
“You could have made a deal”, Trump blames Poland for starting World War II
February 19, 2025 at 11:09 am
Stagnant economy, weak pound and rising inflation were in our other manifesto, insist Labour
February 19, 2025 at 9:12 am
To fix sewage pollution crisis we’ll need to raise executive bonuses by 50%, insist water companies
February 18, 2025 at 11:44 am
Keir Starmer accidentally calls Donald Trump ‘Dad’
February 18, 2025 at 10:23 am
Oops! Forgetful man carries girlfriend around on shoulders for three weeks after gig
February 28, 2025 at 9:09 am
Man insisting American Bully XL’s should not be banned also surprisingly reluctant to leave his kids alone with one
February 27, 2025 at 2:10 pm
Donald Trump to make Andrew Tate Secretary of Women’s Affairs
February 27, 2025 at 11:39 am
Single grey pubic hair treated like sign of impending apocalypse
February 17, 2025 at 2:41 pm
Keir Starmer willing to put thousands of armchair generals ‘on the ground’ to ensure peace in Ukraine
February 17, 2025 at 1:39 pm
Man furious to learn British Academy Film Award for ‘Best Film Not in the English Language’ went to ‘a foreigner’
February 17, 2025 at 8:07 am
Master negotiator Donald Trump to end Ukraine war by simply giving Russia everything it wants
February 16, 2025 at 10:22 am
Yorkshire celebrates Valentine’s Day a day late now cards and flowers are 50% off
February 15, 2025 at 10:09 am
Man who bought swastika T-Shirt from world’s most famous rapper pretty sure cancel culture is real
February 14, 2025 at 3:53 pm
Beach evacuated while tax bombshell is safely detonated
February 14, 2025 at 11:22 am
RFK Jr’s first health policy to reintroduce the ‘five second rule’
February 14, 2025 at 10:22 am