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The Daily Mash
Pub closing, but colleague knows cool bar 45 minutes walk away on narrowboat behind abandoned warehouse
October 11, 2024 at 5:25 pm
We ask you: why are England managers too afraid to field an all-striker eleven?
October 11, 2024 at 5:25 pm
‘You guys wanna see a dead body?’ asks Everest climber
October 11, 2024 at 3:09 pm
Jesus had a big knob, Turin shroud reveals
October 8, 2024 at 8:11 am
Brian Cox, and five other celebrities who could be high as f**k and you’d never know
October 7, 2024 at 12:09 pm
‘Lack of vibes’ considered genuine excuse to end date by both parties
October 7, 2024 at 10:58 am
Southend, Grimsby and other areas that simply cannot be gentrified
October 7, 2024 at 10:12 am
Interest in Japanese culture remains intriguing quirk in women and terrifying red flag in men
October 7, 2024 at 9:10 am
Why Sue Gray’s departure proves it’s over for Starmer and we’ve basically won, by all Tories
October 7, 2024 at 8:09 am
‘That new short hair looks great on you,’ grins boyfriend through barely repressed sobs
October 4, 2024 at 5:25 pm
We ask you: What true crime case would you like to see reopened because it’s been on Netflix?
October 4, 2024 at 5:25 pm
Boris Johnson’s big comeback idea is referendum on Europe
October 4, 2024 at 5:10 pm
Middle-class dinner parties indulge in craze for premium strength lager
October 4, 2024 at 12:11 pm
BBC pledges most hellish EastEnders Christmas ever
October 11, 2024 at 12:10 pm
Northerners bloody glad they didn’t go all the way to Oslo for a bit of red sky
October 11, 2024 at 10:08 am
Shitty Shein scorpion breaks after first sting
October 11, 2024 at 9:10 am
Living in England its own form of assisted dying
October 4, 2024 at 10:56 am
I’m just back from a fortnight in the Chagos Islands, and you cannot imagine a more British place
October 4, 2024 at 9:46 am
Noel Gallagher’s most brazen acts of plagiarism, ranked
October 4, 2024 at 8:11 am
Romantic Autumn walk improved with pornographic co-worker fantasy
October 3, 2024 at 4:11 pm
Gentrified area upset specialist cheese shop they never use is closing down
October 3, 2024 at 11:16 am
Three tampons should cover it: The clueless boyfriend’s guide to menstruation
October 3, 2024 at 10:16 am
A handful of cheddar makes all Italian dishes better: How to piss off a foodie with facts
October 3, 2024 at 9:13 am
Nick Knowles’ guide to munters
October 3, 2024 at 8:13 am
Vice-presidential debate won by Voltrak of Mars
October 2, 2024 at 4:13 pm
Giving a horse an OBE a sign of a sane country
October 2, 2024 at 12:12 pm
9.15am. Pushed under a Tube train: A typical day in London, according to a terrified Northerner
October 11, 2024 at 7:55 am
‘I am a serial killer,’ says Jenrick in bid to win members’ support
October 10, 2024 at 5:13 pm
‘Don’t leave me to die out here’ says sad little wasp
October 10, 2024 at 4:12 pm
You are Kemi Badenoch. Can you make it through a whole hour without saying insane shit?
October 2, 2024 at 11:00 am
Everything you don’t know and don’t want to know about the conflict in the Middle East
October 2, 2024 at 10:13 am
Girlfriend trying to imagine what being wrong would be like
October 2, 2024 at 9:16 am
Motörhead, and other artists who need to work on their gay following
October 2, 2024 at 8:13 am
This will unfold just like when Iraq invaded Kuwait, agrees West
October 1, 2024 at 4:10 pm
Spunk prices up
October 1, 2024 at 12:15 pm
Six charming qualities of your knobhead mate, by his deluded girlfriend
October 1, 2024 at 11:10 am
Lord of the Flies, with special bitter guest star Phillip Schofield
October 1, 2024 at 10:15 am
Posh penises are intrinsically thrilling: the wonderful world of Jilly Cooper
October 1, 2024 at 8:58 am
Idiot spent his 20s being sensible
October 1, 2024 at 8:10 am
Badenoch and Jenrick to fall in far-right love
October 10, 2024 at 11:13 am
How did a 51-year-old, ordinary-looking woman manage to get married? A Daily Mail investigation
October 10, 2024 at 10:13 am
Are you choosing yet another vicious, deranged freak as party leader or suffering deja vu? A guide for Tories
October 10, 2024 at 9:10 am
Liz Truss: does she know it happened?
September 30, 2024 at 5:09 pm
Could you adopt a Tory for as little as £3 a month?
September 30, 2024 at 12:13 pm
How many years do you have left in your sex life?
September 30, 2024 at 11:10 am
You should have planned ahead for being a woman, says Badenoch
September 30, 2024 at 10:14 am
Gardeners growing giant vegetables are overcompensating for something
September 30, 2024 at 9:13 am
Paint over the smoke alarms: the landlord’s guide to interior design
September 30, 2024 at 8:10 am
Cyclist gangs getting less respect than motorcycle gangs
September 27, 2024 at 4:39 pm
We ask you: what did Boris Johnson really say to Prince Harry to persuade him to stay in England?
September 27, 2024 at 4:39 pm
Starmer accidentally kisses Trump full on the lips
September 27, 2024 at 4:14 pm
Gen Z fan at gig hoping band doesn’t distract from her phone
September 27, 2024 at 12:09 pm
How Britain would be woefully ill-prepared to deal with a hurricane
October 10, 2024 at 8:12 am
‘Two loonies – excellent’ say Tory members
October 9, 2024 at 4:09 pm
Recycling carefully sorted into big green tub full of completely random shit
October 9, 2024 at 12:11 pm
Six weird grievances splitting up means you can get off your chest
September 27, 2024 at 10:11 am
I regularly popped into donor’s home for a dump, admits Streeting
September 27, 2024 at 9:25 am
‘You just didn’t understand it’: The seven most annoying traits of arsehole Joker fans
September 27, 2024 at 8:10 am
Come to the ‘Shit Experience’ experience!
September 26, 2024 at 4:15 pm
Woman has light, painless periods because of her innate moral superiority
September 26, 2024 at 11:12 am
Earth to get unwanted immigrant moon
September 26, 2024 at 10:22 am
Shed Seven, and other 90s bands so forgettable you had no idea they’d already reformed
September 26, 2024 at 9:13 am
Schofield comeback scuppered by sex with younger volleyball
September 26, 2024 at 8:13 am
Sarco suicide pod is in the corner of your gym
September 25, 2024 at 3:10 pm
Seven historic speeches that idiot Starmer would ruin by saying ‘sausages’
September 25, 2024 at 10:56 am
Laurence Fox, and other celebrities it’s nice to be having a little holiday from
October 9, 2024 at 10:56 am
‘Those were crack-smoking times,’ admits May
October 9, 2024 at 10:18 am
Woman sets healthy boundaries of only doing what she wants to
October 9, 2024 at 9:09 am
Mid-morning experimental techno tests man’s commitment to being 6 Music listener
September 25, 2024 at 10:13 am
‘Our hood had a serious penknife problem’: How to make your middle-class teenage years sound street
September 25, 2024 at 9:15 am
ET, and six other films that would have been undone by one minute of responsible parenting
September 25, 2024 at 8:13 am
Bake Off cakes to be chaperoned
September 24, 2024 at 3:00 pm
Light at end of tunnel is that I’ll stop being a twat, promises Starmer
September 24, 2024 at 12:14 pm
No, 65-year-old trainspotter will not be identifying as ‘neurospicy’
September 24, 2024 at 10:58 am
Why I need a £68,000 a year personal photographer to document my life, by your working-class auntie
September 24, 2024 at 10:12 am
‘Bring Your 14-Year-Old Daughter and her Bitchy Mates to Work Day’ a disaster
September 24, 2024 at 9:16 am
Labour conference has better class of heckler
September 24, 2024 at 8:13 am
Harry finally away from Meghan so we can hint he’s shagging someone
September 23, 2024 at 5:11 pm
Spreadsheet Steve, and five other nicknames which mean your life has gone horribly awry
October 9, 2024 at 8:14 am
Go outside and look up: how to watch tonight’s Draconids meteor shower
October 8, 2024 at 3:12 pm
Eight strong female protagonists outraged to be included in your tawdry little fantasies
October 8, 2024 at 11:59 am
Things Trump says being reported as if they have meaning
September 23, 2024 at 12:12 pm
Why any man who dates women under 30 is a massive creep, by 32-year-old Charlotte Phelps
September 23, 2024 at 11:14 am
Big area of Britain nobody cares about to be flooded
September 23, 2024 at 10:05 am
Toasted behind radiator, flew out of window: how you lost your childhood pets
September 23, 2024 at 9:15 am
Fitness freak friend plagued by unimaginable darkness
September 23, 2024 at 8:13 am
Mudlarking the number one Guardian activity for twats
September 20, 2024 at 5:10 pm
We ask you: Does Snickers being called Marathon again mean Brexit was worth it?
September 20, 2024 at 5:10 pm
Reform conference makes rest of Britain appreciably better
September 20, 2024 at 2:58 pm
Baby hippo going to be so sexy when it grows up
September 20, 2024 at 12:09 pm
How to survive on the fringes of a pub chat: A guide for shy people
September 20, 2024 at 10:43 am
Six terrible crimes Britain is more than ready to blame on Holly Willoughby
October 8, 2024 at 11:16 am
Boss asking ‘Where do you see yourself in five years?’ hoping to hear ‘doing more work for less money’
October 8, 2024 at 10:12 am
F**k off with your shit 80s bonkbuster soft porn nostalgia, say young people
October 8, 2024 at 9:11 am
Why shouldn’t I pamper my pets? asks Lord Alli
September 20, 2024 at 9:32 am
Wear a straw boater to the local comp: How to fake your children going to private school
September 20, 2024 at 8:09 am
Rachel Reeves to replace every picture in 11 Downing Street with Thatcher portrait
September 19, 2024 at 4:11 pm
Latest smartphone is smartphone from two smartphones ago
September 19, 2024 at 3:11 pm
Wolf ‘allowed to identify as a schoolboy’ would be more worrying
September 19, 2024 at 2:02 pm
Bob Dylan, and five other artists fans get far, far too into
September 19, 2024 at 11:31 am
