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The Daily Mash
Livramento drops out of England squad on discovering it is not compulsory
Yesterday at 4:07 pm
Labyrinth, and other kids’ movies adults wang on about
Yesterday at 12:05 pm
Entering text on telly still as primitive as in 1980s
Yesterday at 11:07 am
Doctor Who fans free to go back to clubbing and shagging
June 11, 2026 at 8:10 am
Weird that we need a trigger, admit racists
June 10, 2026 at 4:23 pm
Zoos unveil World Cup-predicting animals
June 10, 2026 at 12:09 pm
How to put a nice positive spin on race riots, by Britain’s press
June 10, 2026 at 10:53 am
You call that a night of violence, laughs Belfast old-timer
June 10, 2026 at 10:09 am
Man fails to get himself in mood for wank
June 10, 2026 at 8:55 am
The nightmare of dating Ariana Grande, by her ex
June 10, 2026 at 8:07 am
Mediterranean shark to star in cheap nude Italian Jaws remake
June 9, 2026 at 4:09 pm
Cricketer and rugby player get in fight about whose sport is shittest
June 9, 2026 at 12:09 pm
Nobody is more excited for the football goal contest than I, come on you Home Nations, by Sir Keir Starmer
June 9, 2026 at 10:54 am
WAGS alone and horny in Miami, Britain notified
Yesterday at 10:07 am
Cat Deeley, Amanda Holden and other celebrities your mum inexplicably despises
Yesterday at 9:06 am
Spare a thought for us, say online predators
Yesterday at 8:05 am
What tabloids were like in the 80s: an embarrassed dad explains
June 9, 2026 at 10:10 am
I am so delighted to be the new James Bond. By Phoebe Waller-Bridge
June 9, 2026 at 8:56 am
Britain forced to suffer televised opinions of yokels again
June 9, 2026 at 8:14 am
Come to Spain, to laugh at the people who’d normally be in Dubai
June 8, 2026 at 12:08 pm
22 the only age anyone should have a phone
June 8, 2026 at 11:12 am
World clubbing together to buy Trump an overseas territory to shut him up
June 8, 2026 at 10:11 am
Throuples are solution to cost of living crisis
June 8, 2026 at 9:09 am
Successful 19-year-old filmmaker gives false hope to millions
June 8, 2026 at 8:07 am
Wait until you find out who I rented the cottages to, says Andrew
June 5, 2026 at 4:52 pm
Woman agonising over wedding outfit as if anyone gives a shit
June 5, 2026 at 1:52 pm
A Gen X man’s guide to looksmaxxing, by our TikTok beauty influencer
June 15, 2026 at 3:09 pm
David Hockney mourned because he did paintings of recognisable stuff
June 15, 2026 at 2:07 pm
Hydration breaks ruining VAR
June 15, 2026 at 12:07 pm
We ask you: Which crappy losers have you got in the office World Cup sweepstakes?
June 5, 2026 at 1:52 pm
This World Cup shit enough for England to win it
June 5, 2026 at 12:08 pm
Who twatted Andrew? A Daily Mash investigation
June 5, 2026 at 10:12 am
Star Wars, and other franchises it’s hard to believe you ever loved
June 5, 2026 at 9:07 am
15 idiotic things I believe about Britain from going on the internet. By Elon Musk
June 5, 2026 at 8:07 am
Toddler allowed screen time if it’s prestige dramas
June 4, 2026 at 12:06 pm
How to share someone else’s bad news without looking too excited about it
June 4, 2026 at 11:11 am
Only well-off people spontaneous
June 4, 2026 at 10:09 am
Clarkson forced to bugger sheep to distract from farm’s success
June 4, 2026 at 9:09 am
Robert Jenrick, and the rest of the happy crew riding the ‘two-tier’ bandwagon
June 4, 2026 at 8:06 am
We will still be dicks, affirm under-16s
June 15, 2026 at 11:07 am
Scottish co-worker obviously still drunk
June 15, 2026 at 10:09 am
Brave Western man determined to fight for his Asian fetish
June 15, 2026 at 9:08 am
We ask you: Which iconic British creature must be on banknotes or you’ll riot?
June 3, 2026 at 12:07 pm
Skiving work and other activities surprisingly good for your mental health
June 3, 2026 at 10:53 am
Twats not helping
June 3, 2026 at 10:09 am
Job hunting in this market impossible, says teen without CV
June 3, 2026 at 9:08 am
Boards of Canada, and other artists great for working to because they’re so ignorable
June 3, 2026 at 8:07 am
Murrell to serve sentence in motorhome
June 2, 2026 at 5:08 pm
Who do you want to tax, and to pay which benefit? Take our quiz
June 2, 2026 at 12:08 pm
University once again the preserve of rich idiots
June 2, 2026 at 10:52 am
45-year-old who says girls in their 20s are mature asked how many men in their 20s he hangs out with
June 2, 2026 at 10:10 am
Six unmarried pop stars you still have a chance with: a guide for deluded men
June 2, 2026 at 9:08 am
Backpacker finds himself two hours into gap year
June 15, 2026 at 8:07 am
If you could maybe specify the threats, Army told
June 12, 2026 at 4:07 pm
Completely sedentary man protein-maxxing
June 12, 2026 at 1:50 pm
‘That’s summer over then’ proclaims twat who’s probably right
June 2, 2026 at 8:08 am
House prices fall, killing everyone
June 1, 2026 at 5:07 pm
How to go on a Peter Murrell-style domestic spending spree
June 1, 2026 at 11:07 am
Champions League commiseration bus cruises through London without fanfare
June 1, 2026 at 10:09 am
Flight attendants, and other women your boyfriend saves a creepy little smile for
June 1, 2026 at 9:06 am
Past-it old bastard includes you when referring to ‘people our age’
June 1, 2026 at 8:05 am
Arsenal prepare for Champions League final by crashing bus into wall
May 29, 2026 at 4:21 pm
Parents of pretentious teen wish he’d get into beer and football
May 29, 2026 at 3:08 pm
We ask you: Which deeply exploitative reality show are you pretending it’s ethical to watch?
May 29, 2026 at 2:51 pm
Why was Tom Hardy fired? Six scurrilous and verifiably untrue rumours
May 29, 2026 at 12:06 pm
We ask you: Which World Cup game are you watching off your box at 3am?
June 12, 2026 at 1:50 pm
World’s first trillionaire to be evil
June 12, 2026 at 12:06 pm
Wow. And just when I thought my job was safe
June 12, 2026 at 10:06 am
Five weekend plans you shouldn’t share with your colleagues
May 29, 2026 at 10:21 am
Six other US icons Trump could slap his stupid f**king face on
May 29, 2026 at 9:36 am
The Backrooms, and other horror concepts that collapse under the slightest scrutiny
May 29, 2026 at 8:06 am
Everyone rechalking Cerne Giant wants to do the cock
May 28, 2026 at 2:07 pm
Husband under delusion that hot, sweaty weather means sex
May 28, 2026 at 11:08 am
Young people: If we ignore the evidence, can we still blame them?
May 28, 2026 at 10:07 am
Your bitter ex, and other people from your past you’d rather hear from than Tony Blair
May 28, 2026 at 9:08 am
A swimming pool, and other great heatwave items to be lumbered with
May 28, 2026 at 8:06 am
Count Binface ‘only man who can unite Labour’, says Blair
May 27, 2026 at 4:06 pm
We ask you: What is Nasa hoping to find on the Moon?
May 27, 2026 at 12:06 pm
Five random words that will inevitably become Gen Z dating terms
June 12, 2026 at 9:08 am
How to ensure people know you’re a racist and not just supporting England
June 12, 2026 at 8:06 am
If you give us money we will blow it up, Army confirms
June 11, 2026 at 5:08 pm
How to wank safely in a heatwave
May 27, 2026 at 11:08 am
Gelato: it’s just f**king ice-cream, isn’t it
May 27, 2026 at 10:07 am
How to survive an endless series of crises when you’re in a safe, distant country
May 27, 2026 at 9:07 am
What to do if someone is having a non-heatwave conversation: An emergency guide
May 27, 2026 at 8:06 am
Answer to question ‘Can London get any worse?’ predictably ‘Yes’
May 26, 2026 at 4:08 pm
All homeworkers naked
May 26, 2026 at 12:09 pm
How not to notice a camper van, with Scotland’s Nicola Sturgeon
May 26, 2026 at 10:53 am
Insane man wearing jeans
May 26, 2026 at 10:06 am
Man sleeps with woman to prevent second date
May 26, 2026 at 9:07 am
‘It’s probably AI,’ says man who doesn’t understand what AI is
May 26, 2026 at 8:06 am
How to cope with women presenting the World Cup: A guide for gammons
June 11, 2026 at 11:10 am
Going ‘Instagram official’: Dating trends only experienced by very online twats
June 11, 2026 at 10:10 am
Scotland already out of World Cup
June 11, 2026 at 9:09 am
World Cup was only thing stopping me head-butting some prick, confesses Maguire
May 22, 2026 at 4:09 pm
Dad adds pizza oven to outdoor cooking wank bank
May 22, 2026 at 2:07 pm
We ask you: What are you going to regret doing in your garden this weekend?
May 22, 2026 at 1:54 pm
Britons planning to enjoy heat have forgotten about insects
May 22, 2026 at 12:08 pm
Boyfriend subject to hour-long monologue about need for more communication
May 22, 2026 at 10:53 am
Text too small, and other legitimate reasons to give up on a book and go on your phone
May 22, 2026 at 10:53 am
