Kieran Culkin really loves asking his wife for more babies. 

In the actor’s recent Oscars acceptance speech for his role in A Real Pain, the 42-year-old addressed wife Jazz Charton, 36, who was in the audience, and asked for not one, but two more kids. Greedy.

It’s become something of a habit for the actor, who at last year’s Emmys, publicly asked his wife to have more children with him, saying: “Thank you for sharing your life with me and giving me two amazing kids... I want more. You said ‘maybe’, if I win! I love you so much.”

At this year’s Oscars, the Succession star regaled the audience with a tale about how after the Emmys last year, they were walking through a car park when Jazz apparently admitted: “I guess I owe you a third kid.”

The actor recalled: “And I turned to her, and I said, ‘Really, I want four.’ And she turned to me – I swear to God, this happened there just over a year ago – she said, ‘I will give you four when you win an Oscar.’”

Well, he’s won an Oscar. So, now what? 

Sofie Roos, a sexologist and relationship therapist, said that while the request was made with lots of humour, she hopes “they have approached this question in private before, and that it’s somewhat already on the roll and processed, because otherwise, it’s actually quite mean – even if it was said as a joke”.

Charton appeared to take it in good humour as she shared a photo of her and Kieran laughing on the Oscars red carpet, with the caption: “AN OSCAR?!!!! Okay okay hear me out – making empty baby pacts may seem foolish but it’s clearly been a great motivator.

“Would he have come this far if I hadn’t kept promising him more kids if he won awards?….. Probably. But who’s to say?”

Obviously their situation is unique, but their story got me thinking: when is a good time to broach the topic of having more kids? And when is absolutely NOT the right time (especially if you’re the person who doesn’t have to carry and birth that child)?

When to bring up the topic of more children

Experts agree that timing and sensitivity are key, here.

Roos suggested couples “need to be in a phase where you feel that the relationship is strong and that you’re managing the kids you’ve already had”.

“For some people, this is close to when the last kid was born, and for others it takes years to come to a place where it feels like the next natural step to take,” she explained.

“But, generally speaking, kids do not solve any problems, so make sure you’re in a good place when starting to approach this question with your partner!”

For psychotherapist James Lloyd, if the partner who wants the baby isn’t the one who will physically go through pregnancy and childbirth, “it’s especially important to approach the conversation with curiosity rather than expectation”.

He advised choosing a calm, private moment and framing it as an open discussion, rather than a request, which “helps ensure both perspectives are heard”.

“Acknowledging the physical and emotional aspects of pregnancy and showing willingness to share responsibilities can also make the conversation feel more balanced,” he added.

When NOT to bring up more babies

There are some key instances in which babies probably shouldn’t be entering the chat. 

“It may not be appropriate to raise the topic during emotionally-charged moments, times of stress, or when a partner is physically recovering from childbirth,” said Lloyd.

And we don’t just mean in the weeks and months after birth. Recovery of the mind and body can take time – in fact, some postnatal conditions can persist for years after giving birth.

Experts agree that public settings – ahem, the Oscars – are also probably not the best place to bring these things up as it “can create pressure rather than foster an open and honest dialogue”.

Periods of uncertainty – for example, during a house move, changing careers or even during a spell where you’re experiencing intimacy issues – are also not the best times for broaching the topic. 

“When we are stressed and focused on other things, sitting down and reflecting about how having another child would affect our life, both emotionally and practically, is quite difficult,” said Roos, “and it’s therefore not the time for talking about big life decisions like having more kids.”

What to do if your partner isn’t sure they want more kids

It can be disappointing if a partner seems unsure about whether they want more kids, but Roos stressed that when you’re the one who will ultimately carry the baby, the topic is a lot more “loaded” so this person’s feelings “must be highly respected, even more than yours”.

She advised trying to create a safe and open dialogue where you don’t press or judge them, but instead understand their perspective and are supportive and accepting.

If they are open to talking more about it, the sexologist advises being curious and talking about fears and concerns regarding having more kids – whether that revolves around careers, money, health, the mental load. Lay it all out on the table. 

Lloyd agrees. “It’s crucial to approach the conversation with empathy and curiosity rather than pressure,” he said.

“Understanding why the hesitation exists —whether it’s concerns about finances, emotional readiness, or health—allows for a more productive dialogue. Expressing desires while also validating a partner’s perspective fosters trust and connection.”

Be calm, be honest, and be respectful during this conversation. And don’t push.

“For most people, this is not something you can say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to on the spot, but it needs to be processed, and by approaching your wishes of having more kids very calmly and step-by-step, the higher the chances of your partner ‘growing with you’ in the process,” said Roos, who is a sexual health expert at Passionerad.

The relationship therapist advised adopting a mindset that you’ll probably need to revisit this conversation, and process it together, rather than getting an answer right away.