Side sleepers, take note: GI surgeon Dr Karan Rajan says that kipping on your left-hand side is way better for battling indigestion than your right. 

The position “makes it harder for the contents [of your stomach] to leak into your oesophagus, meaning you’ll have a lower chance of acid reflux,” he explained. 

If I was capable of actually falling asleep on my side, I’d consider taking that advice. 

But I’m doomed to lie face-down, like a sloth ineffectively clinging to a too-big mattress trunk, if I plan on dozing at all.

The bad news continues: sleep coach James Wilson, also known as The Sleep Geek, says that’s the worst possible position to fall asleep in.

What’s wrong with sleeping on your front?

In an Instagram Reel, James said: “It is bad for your spine, your neck, your hips your knees, your whole body really.

Sleep on your side, preferably, or your back, (not great for snoring) to wake up less, and to spend less at the physio.” 

He also recently told The Telegraph that the position is most likely to cause injury and added in his Instagram Reel that it will disrupt “both the quality and the quantity” of your sleep. 

Sussex Community NHS Foundation Trust agrees, writing that the posse generally isn’t advised because “you are more likely to move out of the midline position and strain your neck.”

If it’s truly the only way you can settle down, they advise putting a pillow under your stomach to prevent back pain. 

So... how should I sleep?

If you can at all, “Start sleeping on your side, put a pillow between your legs, and give the pillow a hug,” James advised. 

Cardiologist and director of Mayo Clinic’s sleep facility Dr Virend Somers agrees that sleeping on your side is probably best, saying you should elevate your head a little if you can too.

Sigh... I suppose I need to make some life changes.