I recently asked dating experts how long is too long to wait for a text back; while both pros gave different time frames, they agreed you shouldn’t be left feeling anxious or upset by your date’s phone habits. 

But after I asked them how long a person can reasonably be left on read, I realised I hadn’t asked the more important question ― is there an even bigger dating red flag than slow texters or ghosters?

Lo and behold ― psychologist Dr Logan Jones, clinical director and founder of Clarity Therapy NYC; and Anthony Canapi, professional matchmaker, dating coach and CEO of Best Man Matchmaking, told me there may be worse digital dating sins. 

Buckle up. 

Patchy texting is a serious red flag, the experts say 

Being ghosted by your date is brutal ― but at least you know where you stand. 

However, Dr Logan told HuffPost UK that while your hatred of slow texting “isn’t just [about] texting but about our ability to emotionally regulate ourselves and find relational security,” he suggests “patchy texting signals... inconsistency, a lack of emotional availability or manipulation”.

“These patterns can indicate breadcrumbing, being avoidantly attached, or being emotionally inconsistent,” he continued. 

Canapi agreed, telling us: “Patchy texting is one of the many symptoms of love bombing... it’s 100% a red flag.”

Love bombing happens when someone showers someone they’ve started dating with too much affection, which is usually very intense. 

Why would someone text someone a lot in bursts, then go silent for ages?

“If someone engages intensely and then disappears they may be more interested in the thrill of the connection you offer than the sustainability of actually investing in it,” Dr Logan told us. 

“People who experience emotional neglect often tolerate inconsistent communication, mistaking it for normalcy rather than a red flag.”

The patchy texter may want you “to feel dependent and infatuated with them so that they can have you wrapped around their finger, and be in control,” Canapi added.

As Dr Logan said: “Love generally flows effortlessly when it’s genuine. If you’re doing mental gymnastics or forcing a connection or waiting in anxiety maybe it’s time to release yourself.”