Before I met my current partner, I spent four long, arduous years on the dreaded dating apps. 

That means I’ve experienced more ghosting than the cast of Scooby-Doo and dealt with an unholy amount of situationships.

It also means I’ve searched “how long is too long to wait for a text back?” far, far more often than I’d like to admit. 

So, I thought I’d turn to the experts. Here’s what psychologist Dr Logan Jones, clinical director and founder of Clarity Therapy NYC; and Anthony Canapi, professional matchmaker, dating coach and CEO of Best Man Matchmaking, think...

The experts were divided about the time ― but agreed on one limit

Dr Logan said that texting someone you’re dating is “one of the riskiest forms of communication for anxiously attached or avoidantly attached people because it’s ripe for projection,” and that it’s “tricky” to put a number on it.

“The deeper issue here isn’t just texting but about our ability to emotionally regulate ourselves and find relational security,” he added. 

For Canapi, though, the responsibility lies just as heavily on the shoulders of the texter. 

“If you send them a text, and they do not get back to you in 24-48 hours, they’re not prioritising dating and/or you’re not of interest enough for them to get back to you,” he told HuffPost UK. 

But both experts agree that how you feel about the texting situation should be non-negotiable. 

“If you’re wondering how long is too long to wait for a text, you may already have your answer. People make time for what matters,” Dr Logan said, though he warned: “Try to let go of the need for an immediate response. If they’re meant to be in your life their actions will align with presence and consistency.”

Canapi’s advice is similar: “If they’re not willing to understand your texting style, and instead of feeling security, the style of their texts is giving you anxiety, stress, even anger and frustration, that’s when the mismatch can simply be too much.”

Is it ever really just down to being a “bad texter”?

Dr Jones said: “There’s more nuance to this than just saying hyperbolic and oversimplified like ‘don’t overthink it’ or ‘they’ll text if they care.’

“Our communication styles, attachment wounds, and personal needs all play a dynamic role in how we manage these tricky texting scenarios.”

A lot of the stress comes not from a missed text, but “the meaning you give something like a text notification”. The person you’re texting may not attach that significance to the message.

The key, the psychologist said, is to find what your ideal communication style is, communicate it once if needed, and move on if your needs are left so badly unmet that you’re often left stressed and unhappy. 

“Once you’ve established a strong in-person connection with your match, put a face to someone’s texting style, and come to an understanding that their texting style might simply be different from yours, that’s when you can get over texting differences,” Canapi said.

But he agreed that once you’ve been left stressed and worried for too long by someone who knows your texting style, it may be time to call it a day.