Choosing a baby name can be tricky at the best of times – you need a moniker that both of you like, which will complement their last name and won’t land them top of the class bully’s list. 

But things can swiftly become even more complicated when parents want to name their child after a loved one – but can’t seem to agree on which loved one. Does a deceased loved one’s name trump that of someone who is still alive? 

Such is the quandary for one mum-to-be on Reddit, who said her baby girl is due in August and is likely to be the couple’s only child, as she is 39 and has experienced multiple miscarriages in the past.

“I had been hoping for a girl from the very beginning, in part because my mum passed away suddenly a few months before my first pregnancy, and I want to give my daughter her name, Jacqueline, as a middle name,” she wrote.

“However, my partner is adamant about also naming the child after his mother... and I can’t stand either of her names.”

The parent-to-be said her mother-in-law’s name is Judith Charmaine. 

“He will not let this go, and I feel he will veto any other name I want to give my child unless she gets one of these as (at least) a middle name as well,” she added.

The Reddit user she doesn’t like the idea of naming children after living relatives. “I want my daughter to have a first name that is hers alone, that doesn’t connect her to anyone else and that she can define herself by,” she said.

“And, while my mother will never meet her only granddaughter, we live with my MIL, and she will be a constant part of my daughter’s life growing up. It doesn’t seem entirely fair to me.”

She concluded her post: “Please help me come to terms with one of these names, or to find some acceptable alternatives.”

Needless to say, people had thoughts.

“I don’t think you will get anywhere without either going with no family names or both family names,” said user Skymningen.

Another suggested they both deserve to have equal input into their baby’s names.

“I don’t think it is fair of you to decide that your reason for naming your child after your mum is more important than your husband’s reason for naming your child after his mum,” said Skystorm14113.

“I am really sorry about your mum, and of course I totally understand still feeling very raw about it, but I think you are letting those feelings control you too much to the point of unfairness to your husband. His desires for your baby’s name are just as important as yours.”

Some people advised using both names for the child’s middle name, while another said “scrap both names and use an agreed upon name that starts with J”. One person recommended merging letters from Judith and Charmaine to make the name June. 

User BackgroundGate3 shared: “Honestly, hardly anyone uses their middle name on a regular basis, so pick a first name you can both agree on and have both Jacqueline and Judith as middle names, then everyone is happy.

“You can’t really expect your husband to back down just because his mum isn’t dead yet.”