Stress is rife in society – a survey by Forth unearthed the alarming (but perhaps unsurprising) finding that one in five people are stressed every single day. 

What’s more, 63% of people in the UK are stressed at least weekly – up from just over a third of people six years ago.

The survey of over 2,000 people aged 16 and over also found women are more likely to experience stress on a daily basis than men.

It correlates with data from Counselling Directory which noted a 30% year-on-year increase in people looking for information on stress last December. 

For mums especially, stress and burnout come with the territory of raising kids, holding down jobs, and bearing the brunt of the mental load. 

So it’s no wonder a survey by Peanut in 2023 found most mums (81%) had experienced burnout.

Laura Styles, a parenting coach and hypnotherapist, says: “Motherhood today feels like an impossible juggling act.

“From managing work, parenting, household tasks and life admin alongside battling perfectionism, people-pleasing, resentment and guilt – the emotional load feels overwhelming.

“When stress builds over time without relief, it leads to burnout.”

Parental burnout is defined as a prolonged response to chronic and overwhelming parental stress.

Financial insecurity, lack of support and social isolation have all been found to be risk factors for it. Single parents, parents of SEND children, and immigrant parents are also more at risk because of the extra pressures they face.

But what might come as a surprise is that some of us may be “unknowingly addicted” to cortisol (the stress hormone).

Can you be addicted to stress?

It turns out you can. As the Priory explains: “Stress ‘addiction’ can be defined as always needing to feel on the go, never relaxing and never being aware of the potential consequences.”

Cortisol – also known as the stress hormone – is “really addictive”, says Styles, who is a member of Hypnotherapy Directory.

“Back when humans lived in caves, the biggest threats were things like wild animals. If a tiger was nearby, our nervous system would go into a stress response (fight or flight), releasing cortisol and adrenaline to help us deal with the danger,” she tells HuffPost UK.

“Fast forward to modern life, and even though our lives have changed massively, our nervous systems haven’t fully caught up.”

Now, the tiger has been replaced by the stress of the school run, a toddler’s meltdown, or work deadlines. All of these can trigger that same fight-or-flight response, says Styles.

“When triggered, the nervous system doesn’t always know the difference between these everyday challenges and actual threats, so cortisol gets released, and adrenaline can spike too.”

But why would we be addicted to it? Well, cortisol gives us a temporary sense of energy and focus, explains the therapist. 

“It can feel like we’re running on adrenaline and, in the short term, that can feel good or productive. Over time, though, this can become a habit and we end up stuck in a stress cycle without even realising it. It becomes an unconscious pattern… like being on autopilot,” she says. 

How to break out of the stress cycle

First things first, says Styles, we need to become aware of how often we’re in fight-or-flight mode. From there, parents can take small, practical steps to help retrain both their mind and body. Here are some ways to start:

1. Calm the nervous system

Notice your stress triggers. Next time you find you are feeling stressed by something, simple techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) are great for “instantly soothing the body and stopping cortisol production in its tracks”, says Styles.

2. Start practicing healthy selfishness

According to psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman, healthy selfishness is “having a healthy respect for your own health, growth, happiness, joy and freedom”.

Once you become a parent it can be so easy to get wrapped up in how everyone else is doing, that you get to the point where you barely look after yourself.

But finding time for yourself is super important too, because you really can’t pour from an empty cup.

As Debbie Longsdale, Priory psychotherapist, explains: “Healthy selfishness isn’t about ‘me, me, me’ but ‘me prioritising myself so I can be better for you’.”

Focusing on yourself doesn’t have to mean going away for a spa weekend, although more power to you if you do book one in after reading this.

Even small pockets of calm – “like 10 minutes of quiet journaling, a yoga session, or just pausing and looking out of the window” – can help reset the nervous system and remind the body it’s safe to relax, says Styles.

3. Rewire the subconscious

And if all else fails, hypnotherapy, meditation or visualisation can help “replace old, unhelpful beliefs (and that groundhog day feeling of being on autopilot) with new, supportive ones,” adds Styles.

Regular exercise, seeing friends, setting goals, avoiding smoking and booze, and helping others are also great stress-busters, according to the NHS.