February 16, 2021 was meant to be the day that I birthed my newborn son – without drugs, not even gas and air! – into a birthing pool, under the glow of lavender-coloured LED lights, as the sound of ‘cicadas in a field’ gently filled the my private room at the midwife-led birthing unit of my local hospital.

Ideally, this would have been with the aide of a birthing Doula, but as we were deep into another nationwide lockdown, I was lucky to even have my (masked) husband as my birthing partner.

However, somehow nearly three weeks later in early March – instead of the birth I had expected and made a playlist for –  I found myself recovering from three excruciating days of induced labour and an emergency c-section, while laying in a pool of blood in a sensory clusterfuck of a maternity ward.

I couldn’t move – partly from exhaustion, mostly from major surgery and a catheter – so I couldn’t even pick up my son when it was time to feed him. 

The story of my pandemic pregnancy and my son’s birth is complicated, tender, and generally something I keep very private. My husband lived it alongside me, but only my closest friends and my therapist know why orange Lucozade makes me want to vomit or why the sight of that small, blue suitcase under the guest bed can still make me cry.

What is truly horrifying to me, aside from my own gruesome memories, is that my story is just a drop in the ocean when it comes to how many women in the UK have also had a “negative” or traumatic birth experience.

Because of these unsettling and life-altering numbers, a new campaign called Delivering Better, formed by a group of mothers, is urging Health Secretary Wes Streeting to take urgent action to improve maternity services in the UK. 

The group’s new report highlights the need for “better support for women who often suffer, both mentally and physically, years after they have given birth” and shows the horrific impact that traumatic births are have on women, with almost half of all mothers suffering mentally and physically.

They report one in four mothers experience a negative birth in the UK, and that 72% of those women say their experience had left them with long-term mental health impacts. 

Of the women who reported a negative birth experience:

• almost half (48 per cent) say it had a long-term impact on their relationships,
• over a third (37 per cent) say it had a long-term impact on their ability to work,
• more than half (54 per cent) said it left them less likely to want to have more children.

More than half of women (58%) of the women who said they had a negative birth experience said they “didn’t feel listened to during delivery” – which, for me, was one of the worst parts of my own experience.

Being in one of the most vulnerable states a human can be in, and then voicing a need, a concern, or asking for help and being denied that help or dismissed by the people who are apparently there to help you can be incredibly damaging for your mental health. Not being listened to can also have incredibly serious, if not life-threatening physical implications, too, as we know from the startling statistics around Black maternal health care. 

What can be done differently to help new mothers?

As both a mum and an editor I see a lot of press releases and newsletters targeting mothers and pregnant people. Some of it is helpful, but I’ll never forget an email I was sent about a new campaign to “support maternal mental health” which initially sounded excellent as some big name brands were involved.

However, reading the details, the campaign was meant to support women’s mental health after giving birth via… a meditation app. And some frozen food vouchers. And also a bit of funding for an organisation that has been criticised for its potentially harmful policies and focus on ‘natural births’. 

We deserve better than this.

There needs to be much more tangible action taken in both pregnancy and delivery to see any significant changes in maternal mental health.

In my opinion, a lot can be done by addressing the curriculum and policies of prenatal courses that are available to parents – and the cost and accessibility of these services, too. I’ve experienced first hand that women – especially first-time parents – are taught in these courses that we have much more control over exactly how and when our babies will be born. That we can choose a positive birth experience.

We’re told to just watch your favourite films and eat some chocolate to get those oxytocin levels up and then labour shall commence shortly thereafter. If you breathe correctly that baby’s gonna pop right out of you – you’ve been doing your cervical massages, right? 

But I can tell you firsthand – as can thousands of other parents – you can do everything “right” and still end up having an emergency c-section. 

The Delivering Better campaign is asking for changes to be made in both pregnancy and delivery for mothers, including greater continuity of care throughout pregnancy.

The aftercare new mothers get is nearly comical in its limitations, and the group is also calling on GPs to proactively contact mothers via text message at three months and six months postpartum to check in on their physical and mental health. 

According to Delivering Better: “Mothers often report feeling abandoned after the current six-week check, which is often not fit for purpose, with only a couple of questions directed at the mother.

“Some mums say the main question they’re asked is whether they are back on contraception. In the survey, 88% of mothers say they support receiving mental and physical health checks in the months following their birth experience, and 81% say they would have benefited from this themselves if it had been offered.”

Shocking isn’t it?

You can read more of what Delivering Better is asking for on their website, where you can also sign their open letter to Wes Streeting, “urging action for maternity care that is safe, compassionate and evidence-based”.

Help and support:

• Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
• Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
• CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
• The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
• Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

Help and support:

• Sands works to support anyone affected by the death of a baby.
• Tommy’s fund research into miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth, and provide pregnancy health information to parents.
• Saying Goodbye offers support for anyone who has suffered the loss of a baby during pregnancy, at birth or in infancy.