Desire discrepancy is one of the most common reasons couples come to certified sex and relationship practitioner Georgia Grace. Solving the issue means challenging false assumptions

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Human sexuality is often likened to a fingerprint: our desires, fantasies and physical responses are as unique as the ridges on our fingers. In session, when I share this analogy with couples, they are relieved to know it’s actually normal to be different from their partner.

While it’s true that no two people are the same, when it comes to “mismatched libido” a predictable scenario will usually play out. In my first session with a couple, they will sit on opposite sides of the couch and say they haven’t had sex in months, or years. They are lost and desperate. One of them will share that they feel unwanted, and the other will admit that they want to want it, they just don’t. Because of this, they feel broken. They both agree sex is important for their relationship, but now it has become a stressful, awkward topic where discussion almost certainly ends in conflict. Desire discrepancy, or as many call it a “mismatched sex drive”, is one of the most common reasons people come to see me. It’s also why I dedicated a whole chapter to navigating desire in my book The Modern Guide to Sex.