You really can’t put a price on this kind of excitement, although in this case it came to £12

The last time I dined in affluent Moseley, south Birmingham, a few years back and in quite a fancy establishment, a fight broke out mid-meal. It was more drunken argy-bargy than fisticuffs, but enough to count as floor entertainment. Sadly, no spats occurred on my recent visit to Satori, an enlightening Japanese restaurant in the same postcode, though that’s probably because it’s so dark in there – black walls, black floors, black tables – that its customers wisely choose to remain safely seated.

But this is not a Dans Le Noir-style themed restaurant where you eat in a blackout; no, it has instead merely been designed by someone who clearly really loves shiny, black surfaces with blood-red trimmings and busts of dragons. It’s giving, as the kids say, 1980s MFI showroom doing international playboy lair. Or the time Adrian Mole painted over his Noddy wallpaper with black paint, but the gold hat bells kept gleaming through.