It’s scary that life can disappoint us in big ways, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. You can either change how you’re living, or how you feel about it

• Read more Leading questions

I recently turned 40 and I feel that everything is coming to an end, rather than it being the middle of my life. I spent much of my 30s caring for my elderly parents while I lived in insecure share houses. I was single for all those years, apart from a couple of brief relationships. My mother died during the pandemic and my father moved cities and is now looked after by one of my siblings. I am terrified of losing him, but he is increasingly frail each time I visit, which I’m not able to do often due to my job.

I still work in a junior role despite my age and I did not manage to maintain friendships as my experience was so different from theirs. I am being bullied at work and I find it heartrending that I spend my days in an environment where this is happening, while not being able to see my father.