We’re here for a ‘culinary journey’ apparently, but where on earth to?

Gilgamesh, 4a Upper St Martin’s Lane, London WC2H 9NY. Small plates £7-£19, large plates £9-£42, desserts £9, wines from £38

A Monday lunchtime, and my phone pings. There’s a text. “Gilgamesh London. It’s our Birthday! ONE milestone gift to you,” it says, with a dizzyingly random use of capital letters. “50% OFF A la Carte Menu. Online bookings.” Which is all very nice. Except I’m already booked to go to Gilgamesh. The next day I’m served up a trio of their ads across this paper’s homepage online, offering “3 courses for £20”. It could be described as pathologically needy were that not an insult to needy people.