It doesn’t matter if it’s Mario Party or my fictional promotion to junior regional manager, my texts deserve more than a digital eff-off

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I just beat all of my friends at the new Mario Party game. It wasn’t even close. There are luck elements in the game, sure, but I got about a million stars and they got none. I feel like a god walking among mortals.

And then I get the buzz (on my mobile cellular device): a text message from a beloved family member over the age of 50 asking how I’m doing.