Criticising a person’s partner is a pretty good way to strain a friendship, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. There’s no benefit in keeping the moral score

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My friend of 30-plus years has thrown her husband out and started a new relationship with someone I detest. I feel torn between this sense that she’s behaved appallingly towards her husband and the tenure of our friendship. I want to be honest with her about my feelings but feel almost too angry to do it in a constructive way. What do you advise?

Eleanor says: How much moral adjudication do we get to do of our friends? On the one hand you want to keep the bastards honest, and when you’re being a bastard, you want to be kept honest. On the other hand it does seem friendship involves keeping moral score of each other a little less than we ordinarily might.