Big ‘about us’ conversations can be tricky between friends, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Try small, good-humoured stop signals instead

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My best friend of almost 40 years has always had a slightly skewed impression of who I am. She tends to express concern over decisions I make, and seems to believe that I am naive, gullible and lonely. I am, however, none of these and have had a successful career, live a highly independent life and have a number of good friends with whom I spend time.

In the past I simply brushed off this minor issue, as it seemed important to her to view me this way, and I have no lack of self-esteem. However, lately this has verged on untenable, with her ordering me to “eat everything on my plate” at a restaurant, assuring me that I’ve made multiple mistakes in handling my finances, and lecturing me on fourth grade maths, loudly and in public, when I calculated a discount on a cute pair of shoes.