Look for ways to keep the equality of the honeymoon period going, says Eleanor Gordon Smith. And don’t assume he won’t do his share

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My partner and I just moved into our first apartment together. He is 31, and he has never lived alone before. He lived with his parents. I’m afraid that I’ll have to mother him and do all the household work, even though he comes [home] from work before me and has more free time, since he’s a teacher and basically free all summer. How do I get him to help with work around the flat without nagging him, and how can we avoid becoming just roommates?

Eleanor says: Here’s some good news: you didn’t say he’s already not doing his share. You said you’re afraid that might happen. It’s good to be alive to the difference between a fear of an outcome and evidence of that outcome – in relationships, fears can become expectations altogether too easily.