It is difficult for adult children to navigate these changes, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. But it is difficult for your father too

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I have recently been through the exhausting process of helping my dad sell the family home and downsize into an apartment. It was entirely his idea and I applaud the decision he has made at the right time, before an age-related crisis forced changes. However I cannot support the fact he has moved into a city apartment that is completely inappropriate for the stage of life he is at. He is 80 years old, but in his mind still a “man about town” fantasising about an active city lifestyle in a place he doesn’t belong.

His health is generally good and of course he is an adult who can make his own choices. But I just worry that he is stuck in an unrealistic expectation of what his future will be like as he ages. I’m his only family support, so I just know when it all falls apart I will be the one to have to pick up the pieces. He is never open to talking honestly about these topics and just jokes about it when I try. Why can’t he just move into a retirement village and stop this defensive posturing and denial of his actual position and status in life as an elderly person? There is no shame in acknowledging the truth, and there is dignity in accepting your fate with grace. Help me help him to see this!