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The countdown is on. Not to World War III, or to a former writer of this tea-timely email’s appearance on the Christmas Strictly, or even to Rúben Amorim’s first game as Manchester United manager. Nope, the ticking clock has been wheeled out to inform us that, at the time of writing, planet earth is precisely 23 hours, 0 minutes, 0 seconds and 0 sanity from Amorim’s first pre-match press conference as Manchester United manager.

‘Rúben Amorim’s ‘grandpa’ coach at Man Utd ‘can’t say two sentences in English’’

‘Man Utd’s fans ‘jaded’ as Rúben Amorim predicted to ruin his career’.

‘Five things we learned from Rúben Amorim’s first training session’.

‘Rúben Amorim has ‘very own whistle’ as he calls time on Antony’.

‘Marcus Rashford gives three-word verdict on Rúben Amorim’s first Man Utd training session’.

‘Casemiro gives two-word verdict on Rúben Amorim’s first Man Utd training session’.

‘Rúben Amorim ‘will make exciting Man Utd request’ ahead of Ipswich debut – EXCLUSIVE’.

‘Supercomputer reveals how difficult Rúben Amorim’s first five games are at Man United – and how it compares to their Premier League rivals’.

‘Supercomputer predicts Rúben Amorim’s Spotify 2024 Wrapped playlist’.

‘Five things we learned from Rúben Amorim’s choice of trainers for this first training session’.

‘What Rúben Amorim’s 3-4-2-1 formation reveals about his preferred lovemaking technique’.

Let’s not give Wales too much credit (yesterday’s Football Daily); after all, it was only Iceland they beat. Surely any half-decent side could make easy work of them to advance in an international tournam … oh” – Chad Thomas.

BC.Game, Leicester City’s shirt sponsor, reportedly being declared bankrupt could prompt a few questions for the board about what kind of diligence they did and how this might affect their already wafer-thin PSR in the entirely unlikely event of them not having got paid up front. After all, this was a Curaçaoan crypto-casino whose social media abomination TwiXer post announcing their sponsorship attracted 2.2billion views, making it one of the most viewed of all time. Given they’ll presumably now be looking for a new sponsor, perhaps the team will soon turn out decked out in John Terry’s monkey pics” – James Blanchard.

This is an extract from our daily football email … Football Daily. To get the full version, just visit this page and follow the instructions.