It was important for Sandra to acknowledge her sadness but to disentangle it from concepts of guilt, shame and responsibility

• The modern mind is a column where experts discuss mental health issues they are seeing in their work

For some of us, the death of a parent brings a period of bereavement and deep grief which slowly abates with the passing of time. For others, the story is more complicated.

Some find themselves unable to move past this loss and may continue grieving intensely for years and be unable to function because of the depth of the grief. Others find that they experience persistent difficult feelings such as anger or guilt. When the relationship with the deceased parent has been strained, these negative feelings may take over.