Like other middle-aged women, my wardrobe is predominantly made up of black, loosely fitting clothing, often worn backwards. I’m glad to see us represented in the witchcore trend.

“It’s time,” the New York Times says, “to start dressing like a witch.” I don’t think this headline filled me with joy just because it was one of the few not to give me palpitations and a 20-point blood pressure spike; I’m genuinely excited to read that witchcore is coming.

Despite wearing the same grubby sweatshirt five days a week, I love finding out what florid, fever dreams fashion has cooked up: can it ever top Balenciaga spring/summer 2023, when furious-looking models trudged through mud in giant boots, like teens forced to walk the family dog in winter? This report suggested the current round of shows were less out-there, but brimming with good news for the middle-aged homeworker. There is, reportedly, “a very witchy vibe to the entire season”, exemplified by the Tom Ford show and the upsettingly named fashion house Matières Fécales (fecal matter).

Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist