Asking federal staff to bullet point their achievements would be easier to scorn, were my own to-do tallying not so compulsive

Watching Keir Starmer with President Trump in Washington last week was a bit like watching an indulgent grandparent deal with a miscreant child. When the prime minister produced his invitation from King Charles – “This is unprecedented!” he said delightedly, of what will be Don’s second state visit to the UK – I half expected him to follow up with a Lego model of the White House, or a special Trump Pez dispenser and a year’s supply of cola-flavoured sweets for it.

Alas, I’m unable to be equally scornful of Elon Musk’s edict to federal employees that they tell him in an email of five things they accomplished in the last week. Oh yes, it’s silly. Who’ll look through these, and how will they check the enclosed bullet points aren’t the work of the office satirist? But as a compulsive list-maker myself, my outrage is on the muted side. Sheepishly, I shuffle my notebooks, their closely written pages so replete with determination, wild ambition and pathos, I come off like some tragic hybrid of Adrian Mole and Martha Stewart.