We’ve been together a long time but now he says I either accept an open marriage or we get a divorce. The only way I cope is by turning to alcohol

We are gay men in our mid 40s, who have been together 20 years. From the outside, we have a fantastic life: very well-paid, high-status jobs, and we divide our time between lovely homes in two cities. We have an active social life in both places.

Around 10 years ago, I had a feeling of mild unease that he was cheating on me, but I told myself I was being silly. He soon asked for an open relationship and said that I wasn’t sexual enough for his needs. I said no. Looking back, I think that may have been the moment that killed my marriage.