While self-help books might suggest manifesting new people in your life or cold-water plunges to change your entire personality, the key to finding a community is much simpler

It started in my mid-30s: The Great Slipping Away. Gradually, and then suddenly, the friends I had in New York started to disappear. Some moved out of the city. Others moved into different phases of their lives: they became laser-focused on their careers and had no spare time. Or they had kids, and hanging out became harder.

Then I became one of the people who had kids and moved out of the city and all my local friends slipped away. A couple of years ago I moved to Philadelphia, a city where my wife and I only vaguely knew a grand total of two people. We were drawn to Philly by its affordability but we underestimated just how difficult it is to build a new community from scratch. As an introverted freelancer who doesn’t have colleagues I see every day (even if just over Zoom), I certainly didn’t anticipate how much effort I would have to make if I didn’t want to become a complete hermit.