I’ve pleaded with her to use streaming services, to no avail. If the BBC is showing a 1974 episode of Call My Bluff, that’s what we’re watching

One thing led to another this week, and I spent some time with my mum. She spends her days doing four things, to all of which she brings great intensity. She cooks, she cleans, she reads and she watches television. She watches a lot of television. She knows what she likes and when it’s on. Her viewing schedule is organised with the same rigour she applies to cleaning out my kitchen drawers. Listings are scrutinised at the weekend and plans are drawn up. What she can’t watch at the time of broadcast, she records. I’ve pleaded with her, over and again, to engage with the streaming services – nowt fancy, just BBC iPlayer, ITVX and so on – but to no avail. The schedule is the schedule and her schedule must fit around that. Bring streaming into it, and the paralysis of choice is too much for her. It’s probably a bit too much for all of us.

Her viewing day begins after lunch, perhaps limbering up with a bit of Countdown. Thereafter, most shows seem to involve couples trying to buy properties in sunny places, with varying degrees of success. At 5pm comes The Chase on ITV, one of several quizshows the evening brings. To justify her somewhat excessive admiration for my intellect, I can’t help barking out correct answers. But as we make our way through Mastermind and University Challenge, my right answers give way to wrong answers, which give way to no answers at all. Exhausting.

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster, writer and Guardian columnist