Protein deficiency should be an outlawed term. Did Nigerians not tell you that a good meal excludes eggs and fish? And electricity will only make, you guessed right, idle brains even, what, idler.

When the water we drink fills us up so well, even eggs would beg to be left out of the mix. Did I hear you ask for cold water? Where do you think you are—Iceland? If anything, you should be grateful we don’t import that. Yes, water.

Our coconut heads won’t rest. That’s why we want to produce and export iceblocks to the rest of the world. We know we’ll finally get respect from them if we do that.

Traveling soon with a Nigerian passport? Easy. Who needs a visa when our grand dreams of stable electricity will remain just that—a dream? Stay home and enjoy the darkness.

Is it just me, or are mosquitoes in hiding these days? Guess they’ve heard we might start using them for protein. Can’t blame them. Nigerians know how to recognise a good thing.

Look around: tech entrepreneurs are living the good life. Who cares if regular protein is becoming a luxury?

Success. Miracle. Hope. Nigerians can't suffer; our names won't even permit us to.

Adura. Pamilerin. Gozie. There's power in the tongue; we believe it, so our names carry it.

Adura’s hunger? Just a minor discomfort on the path to a promising future filled with politicking for goodwill from the corridors of power.

Pamilerin and Gozie? Those ones can sort themselves out with alternative power sources.

Nigerians? Suffer? Why? We were made just for this. Anything else is a luxury we cannot even afford.