When you’re marrying a Nigerian man, prepare yourself, you’re not just marrying him, you’re also entering a lifelong relationship with his mother.
Nigerian mothers-in-law have a reputation for being tough, overprotective, and sometimes intimidating. It’s not that they don’t want their sons to be happy; they just have a very strong opinion on what kind of woman deserves their ‘baby boy.’
From questioning your cooking skills to giving unsolicited advice on everything from childbearing to how you sweep the floor, Nigerian mothers-in-law can be overbearing.
But why are they like this?
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1. They believe no woman is ever good enough for their son
Many Nigerian mothers see their sons as perfect little angels who can do no wrong. In their eyes, their son is hardworking, well-mannered, and deserves a woman who is a perfect combination of a chef, housekeeper, prayer warrior, and financial expert.
No matter how amazing you are, there will always be something you could be doing better. It’s not personal, it’s just the Nigerian way of ‘testing’ you to see if you’re strong enough to handle marriage.
2. They are overprotective because of cultural expectations
In Nigeria, mothers are the backbone of the family, making sacrifices to raise their children, especially their sons. After years of nurturing and protecting them, it’s hard to just hand them over to another woman without feeling a little territorial.
Many mothers-in-law see their son’s wife as someone who is ‘taking over,’ which can make them extra critical in the beginning.
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3. Cooking skills matter more than your degrees
It doesn’t matter if you have a PhD, run a successful business, or earn six figures, if you don’t know how to cook her son’s favourite meal, there’s a problem.
For many Nigerian mothers-in-law, food is love, and if you can’t prepare jollof rice, egusi, ogbono soup, or pounded yam from scratch, you might be seen as ‘not wife material.’
4. They judge you based on your tribe & background
Although things are improving, some Nigerian mothers-in-law still have strong opinions about tribe and social background. An Igbo mother may prefer her son to marry an Igbo woman, while a Yoruba or Hausa mother may have similar expectations. If you come from a different cultural background, you may have to work extra hard to prove that you understand and respect their traditions.
5. They expect respect at all times
In Nigerian culture, respect for elders is a BIG deal. Calling her “Mummy” or kneeling to greet her is not enough. Even your tone, your words, and your body language matters.
Anything that seems disrespectful (even if unintentional) can be seen as a red flag. The safest approach? Always be polite, listen when she speaks, and avoid arguing, even when you completely disagree.
How to win over a Nigerian mother-in-law
Always greet her properly, listen when she speaks, and show that you value her opinions.
Learn her son’s favourite meal. Even if you don’t cook often, knowing how to prepare one of his favourite dishes will earn you extra points.
Don’t rush things. Sometimes, she just needs time to warm up to you. Be patient.
Get her a thoughtful gift. Nothing too expensive, just something that shows you care; maybe her favourite snack, a wrapper, or a simple household item.
Let your husband handle family conflicts. If an issue arises, let him be the one to address it. It keeps the peace.
Winning over a Nigerian mother-in-law takes patience. Most of them just want to ensure their son is in good hands; once they trust you, they’ll become your biggest supporter. Until then, just play the game wisely.
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