So, I decided to scroll to Facebook last night after weeks of self-imposed hiatus away from social media. It felt refreshing to see stories and news of happenings around; you know, Nigerians never change! It was all fun until I stumbled on the picture of two of my university coursemates.
They were my friends, and we permanently moved around together in school. However, communication gradually died down after school, and we now mostly just react to our social media feeds and reply to pictures. Imagine the wave of sadness when I realised they attended a conference in a hotel just 20 minutes from my house without stopping by to say hi.
I studied the picture harder and saw a marriage band in the hands of one of them. How have I been excluded from all these happenings? The realization hit - life has happened quickly, and friendships have been lost.
Unfortunately, this is the reality for many people's friendships as they enter their 30s. No wonder the popular saying is that friendship goes to death in our 30s. But should it be so? Today's article reviews why our 30s are such a challenging decade for friendship. What can we do about it?
What makes this decade of life so hard on friendships?
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This question has many answers, but let me focus on two.
Many 30-somethings have children who are starting to live lives of their own. Yes, I didn't say they're just starting to have kids. Many people in this demographic may still have children, but they also have children whose ages bring loads of new activities. So naturally, attention shifts from friends to the kids. While we often prepare well for the changes that come with birthing kids, we're typically caught off guard by how much attention and energy our children need to grow up.
Most Nigerians and people worldwide shift more focus to their careers in their 30s because, indeed, this is when our career becomes our king. Your 20s were your university and service days when you learnt about prosperity. Now's the time to dive into it. The pursuit of stability can convince us that we don't need friends. Sadly, the aggressive quest for money at this stage can leave you with a lot of money and no friendships.
What Can Be Done?
Well, something can definitely be done to save the situation. Whether entering, currently in or coming out of your 30s, the following tips can help you make and maintain genuine, lasting friendships in this golden age.
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Adjust your expectations for friendships.
See and appreciate your friends for who they are now.
Visit your old haunts. You're never too old to connect with old friends and do all the silly things you used to do as kids.
Schedule video calls to catch up on happenings you might have missed.
Celebrate your friendships with small gifts or gestures.
Record and share a quick voice memo with your friend. Hearing your friend talk about favourite memories and things they'd like to do when you see them can spark affection and keep the friendship going.
It's easy to get so busy with life that you don't know when it gets in the way of friendships. But it shouldn't be so. You should hold onto these friendships because they're worth it.
Make conscious efforts to ensure you're not losing essential friendships because you don't want to put in the effort.