Being a parent is mostly a blessing. But for some, it can also feel a lot like a curse.
Such is the case for one parent who recently took to Mumsnet’s Am I Being Unreasonable forum to share a heartbreaking admission.
“I realised too late I don’t like parenting,” said the mum of a one- and four-year-old, adding in the comments that one of her kids doesn’t sleep very well, meaning she’s tired all of the time.
“I’m sure I’ll be judged to beyond but gearing up the enthusiasm to do yet another day of it is destroying me,” she said.
Perhaps surprisingly (because the online world can be judgy at the best of times), the internet was incredibly sympathetic to the parent’s honest confession, with the majority (81%) voting that she was not being unreasonable for saying this.
“It can be a relentless old slog, parenting. But some ages are much harder and more exhausting than others,” said user Fetburzswefg.
“It’s ok not to love it – loving your kids (essential) is not the same as loving parenting (often difficult). I hope things improve for you with time.”
Another parent, user Beamur, responded: “It’s a myth that it’s wonderful 24/7. But you should find some moments of joy amongst the grind! If your mood is low all the time maybe go see your GP?”
There were also comments that acknowledged there is light at the end of the tunnel, and despite how it might feel when they’re little, it gets easier – usually around the time they start going to school.
“Yes the days often feel very very long. I always tried to get out in the morning and try to wear them out.. park or soft play and then home to hopefully have a quieter afternoon. Once they’re both in primary school, things feel so much easier,” said user Comedycook.
“Anyone who enjoys this stage is a sadist. I’m joshing, but seriously OP [original poster] now is not the best measure for what parenting is like in the long haul. It’s a slog. I hated it,” said pljlse.
But they added that since their children became teens they enjoy parenting “on the whole”.
“I think I relaxed and started to enjoy parenting more regularly probably around the time youngest was 3 or 4 with it getting progressively easier after that point,” they added.
“So don’t panic, it won’t be like this forever!!”
What does an expert say...
Caroline Penney, a family therapist, acknowledges that parenting is tough and can be “exhausting”, “emotionally draining” and “unremitting”.
“The most important thing is to stay sane and you can do that by looking after yourself. This is not as easy as it sounds because you often have very little time once you have young children,” she said in an article on her website.
Some ways to do this include seeing friends, getting exercise (even if it’s just a walk each day), trying to get enough sleep and spending time with your partner (if you have one).
She also encourages parents in the trenches to try and remember what they liked doing before having kids – and carving out time for these hobbies.
“It is not being selfish because then you will feel much happier in yourself and do not become resentful of the children,” she said.
Reaching out for help and support can also be important – even though it’s really hard to do. If you don’t have friends or family nearby, heading to local parenting events, baby groups or even the park, can help you meet others in a similar position.
Libraries and children’s centres often host events for young kids and parents, or you can find online communities via Peanut,The Mum Club, The New Fatherhood and Dads House.
