It might be a golden age for children’s television, but no one told the Italian football team. Their horrific show about a cartoon zebra and pals feels like it was designed to punish youngsters

I have long argued that we are living through a golden age of children’s television. If you search for it, you’ll quickly be inundated with shows that run rings around whatever we were served as kids. Hey Duggee is exceptional. Bluey is amazing. The new Super Happy Magic Forest series on CBBC is shaping up to be an all-timer. The culture is so rich that even something as bland as Netflix’s Lego City Adventures can end up being a happily absurdist sitcom.

This may not be immediately apparent, however, because all these good shows sit in a sea of absolute tosh. If you have very young kids, you will know the horrors of Cocomelon, an ambient hellscape of zombie-eyed CGI infants singing nursery rhymes as if under the spell of the devil himself. Or Paw Patrol. Or – and I hesitate to mention his name lest I summon him from the darkness – Blippi.