What would you do if you won the Euromillions jackpot? Would you keep it quiet? We all say we would, including writer Ben Henry – but apparently that wouldn’t stop him from building a full-scale replica of the Gladiators assault course

I’ve often wondered what I would do if I won the EuroMillions jackpot. In those moments of procrastination throughout the day – and believe me, there are many – it’s a daydream I regularly fall into. What would I give to friends and family? Which dream holiday would I go on first? How much money would I realistically have to win in order to buy a home in London that’s not in zone 84 with a bed directly above the cooker? All of which is to say, I think I’m something of an expert on the subject matter. I’m not sure if I’d actually tell people I’d won the jackpot – but there would be signs. What would I spend my money on in my first week as a EuroMillions winner? I’m so glad you asked.

I think my main goal is to live one of those soft and gentle lives you see blasted all over TikTok, so my first port of call is day-to-day travel and I’m going big: I want to buy a tube carriage on every Victoria line train. I like to think I’d remain modest, down to earth and humble if I won a life-changing chunk of money, so you wouldn’t catch me paying for chauffeur-driven cars or anything like that. I’ll happily take the tube. I just don’t want to be shoved under a stranger’s armpit at 9:30am on a Monday morning while basking in the aroma of someone’s Saturday night rosé breath that they’ve tried to conceal with a double espresso, all while stewing in a climate identical to the seventh circle of hell. A personal tube carriage should do the trick. I’m thinking a couple of sofas, some decorative cushions, the fancy incense from Diptyque. I might even buy some LED screens to cover the windows and make it look like I’m frolicking through the Swiss countryside instead of hurtling towards the darkest depths of central London. Phase one of living a gentle life, complete!