The PM and Nato’s secretary general were in perfect agreement that the orange manchild is a sensible, super-smart genius

Don’t mention the trade war. Don’t mention anything much, come to think of it. Stick to generalised soundbites. Careless talk costs lives. Keir Starmer’s trip to Brussels to meet EU leaders was fraught with danger. Don’t say anything too complimentary about the EU as all the Brexiters will go mad and shout “betrayal”. Don’t sound too hostile about the EU as remainers will also be up in arms. Try to find the tricky balance of somewhere in between. A politeness that lands the right side of indifference.

Then there’s the US to worry about. How to cope with the orange manchild. Too much independence of thought and you might feel the full weight of trade tariffs. Time to bury your self-worth and go into full-fawning mode. Few people had ever come unstuck by telling Donald Trump he was an undiscovered genius. No one said that being prime minister was going to be easy. Or dignified.