As Jamie Oliver has found out to his cost, write what you know or you could end up with a flop and an international PR disaster

Ever wondered what frivolous whims you’d indulge if you were made queen for the day? Liz Hurley has. The actor recently told the Guardian she’d ban car air fresheners. She should have stopped there (it’s a winning policy platform) but she added that she’d also ban prison sentences for white-collar criminals and make them do things like teach inner-city kids to ride horses instead.

If I were queen for the day I’d focus less on white-collar criminals and more on literary ones: implementing an immediate ban on celebrities writing children’s books. Should a famous person so much as think of penning a kids’ book, it’d be straight to jail: locked in a cell full of the strongest-smelling air fresheners available.