And anyway, I don’t see the point. Shaking hands is not a key canine skill. The dog won’t be going to any business lunches

The tortoise has been in the same spot two mornings running – out in the open, butted up against the brick step at the foot of my office door. It’s not cold, but it is raining hard. It’s possible his battery has run so low he lacks the power to seek shelter.

In the kitchen I find my wife sitting on the sofa, trying to teach the new dog to shake hands. The floor is littered with pristine dog toys and chewed-up everyday items: a wooden spoon, a shoe, a single, fingerless gardening glove. Evidently, a thing worth chewing must be of value to someone else.