While John Crace was writing political sketches for the Guardian, his dog Herbie was building a career in Westminster. We obtained an exclusive extract from his new memoir

Much to my surprise, I got a FaceTime call from David Cameron. I hadn’t heard a word from him since I had failed to turn up to the launch of his desperately dull political memoirs some years back. I just couldn’t face all the self-serving lies and self-congratulatory speeches. Mind you, I could have done with the advance. Dave got the best part of £800k. A lot, lot more than I am getting for my own autobiography. And my book is far more accurate.

“Hi, Big Dave,” I said.